Healing Haiku

burning fire
fireflies floating by
healing summer night

6-19-20

Sorry that I didn’t post last week. I took a week off from social media and posting things. It was healing to get away for a while. I am back now, but I encourage you to take a week away if you need it. Or you can encourage me to keep posting by liking my posts here and on Instagram and Facebook.

A haiku about names

I know the names of
hundreds of flowers
but not his classmates

This school year is the hardest and possibly worst that I have had to endure as a parent. We aren’t allowed to be inside the school because they want to stop the spread of Covid-19 but they aren’t making the kids wear masks. They want to cancel assemblies and other things, but they aren’t taking anyone’s temperature. It’s so frustrating.

Haiku about a random Thursday.

a baby dies
a grandmother goes to heaven
another Thursday
  7-25-19
golden sunrise,bright sun,morning sun,thursday,

Yes, I know. It’s a gloomy poem. But these are gloomy times. I intended to post this as a tribute to a woman I know, but this year got out of hand and the dates have all been smashed together and I didn’t get it done.

Fainting Couches

fainting couch
Photo by Ksenia Chernaya on Pexels.com

I get now why you would want a house with four bedrooms, and two or three livingrooms. A den for quiet days, a parlor for entertaining and a livingroom for normal days. If you need to quarantine your family, or just one family member, it would be so much easier with multiple rooms.

A room with a sick bed. A room with a day bed. A room with your marital bed, and rooms for each child’s bed. Then rooms with extra beds for guests. Where should the fainting couch be? Near the kitchen or near the den?

There must be a fainting couch. It sounded like a funny concept back in 2018. Now in 2020 it sounds like a piece of furniture we are all missing. On the days the adults don’t need it, it would be a great place for your toddler or your teenager to lay down and throw a fit.

Then I think about these people in one room apartments. They barely have room for a couch and bed, would they have floor space left if they got a fainting couch? Would it matter since the news gives us something to faint about at least once a day?

I feel at this point we could all use a fainting couch to lay on while we watch the news.

As terrible as this time is, I’m trying to learn from it—and I can’t learn from this pain if I’m not seeing it clearly. -Gretchen Rubin

  Thin Skinned and Staying that Way
My heart bruises like a tomato
I stay tender and soft
I let myself be squished
I've tried to harden and stay ridged
like a walnut stubborn in defiance
But walnuts must break in two
to show you their treasure
the heart inside the shell
I don't want to be broken in two
to be squished but still be whole is better
to be thin skinned is to show
your insides without breaking open
is to show your guts without spilling them
so I will stay thin skinned and
wear my bruises proudly
Squishing a tomato doesn't make you strong
even a child can bruise a tomato
if your hand was strong and controlled
you would be able to hold me
without bruising my skin

9 Years In and Continuing Even If You Don’t Want Me to.

So I had a little Funeral
Things did not go as planned
I did not get into the college that I wanted
So I had a little funeral and said goodbye to
My plans, dreams, hopes, and schemes

The mentors and friends that I wanted
Did not want me or did not want me for long
People that I did not know clung to me
So I had a little funeral and clung to who I had

I studied and practiced but somehow
The skills that I cultivated died on the vine
The path I choose became overgrown
So I had a little funeral and took a different way home
4-16-20

Things have not as planned for me for about 5 years. Really, it would be more accurate to quote a meme and say “Nothing has gone as planned and that’s okay!” That’s the story of my life.

Today is my 9th Anniversary with WordPress and in blogging. I have enjoyed my blog 90% of the time. It is an outlet that I really need. I can push myself or coast. It really lends itself to any artform. At one point I was really into photography, in honor of that I used one of my own photos today (I chose a blurry one to imply that the viewer is whipping their head from side to side looking for a way out). I am so thankful that I ignored the people who ignored my abilities and began a blog. I know that the world needs indepedent bloggers and artists so I will continue to blog, probably for the rest of my life.

I have officially given up on being a writer, but the crazy need to write poetry still lurks in my fingers so this blog will be updated weekly. I cannot get myself to write stories, of any length, anymore. It was always a hard thing to do, and now I cannot make myself even attempt it.

I will post poems of all kinds here. Thank you all for supporting me and being here even when no one else wants my words. If you are an artist of any kind you know what it means to have people REALLY follow you and give your creations Likes and Shares. Thank you to all of you who show me love.

Cancer During Covid

Cancer is hard enough. It’s harder during a pandemic.

I wear a mask, she wears a mask, but others don’t. Her county just had it’s first death, and it was somone we knew. Covid-19 is a real disease that’s killing real people. The conspiracy theories and misinformation make it so hard to navigate the week. So she visits her doctors and listens to educated people who aren’t just looking for a spotlight. She uses sanitizer and I use sanitizer and my husband uses hand sanitizer but others don’t.

I can only take her to the waiting room in hospitals now, I rarely get to go in with her to see the doctors. It’s extremely hard. She has fibro fog and chemo fog. So I send her and dad with a journal and ask them to take notes. They do, but not like I do. They ask the doctor questions, but did they ask him all of the questions? Because of Covid-19 and quarantine, I just have to trust that he caught any new symptoms and that she is getting the treatments that she needs. Some of us sit in the car. Many people now listen to doctor’s visits over the phone instead of escourting their loved ones into the hospital, and trust me, it’s not the same.

And yeah, that sounds silly. She is the mother. But she is also the patient. I don’t get to flag down nurses for her anymore. She goes into the treatment center by herself and I have to pray that in the midst of being overworked and scared that they don’t overlook my mother. Because this is chemotherapy during Corona.

Wishes in the Mirror

cancer and casinos,
I wish
they would both die
death thou shall
die
shall thou death
die both would they
wish I
casinos and cancer
5-18-20

I am from Rolling Farmland

Fill in the Blank Poem with my Heart

I am from a bread pan
from a dirt road & a farm house
I am from strength & stubbornness,
I am from cattle
(not the smartest but not dumb enough to go down the chute willingly).

I am from the Polish,
pierogi & czernina.
I am from dusky nights in the hay barn.

I’m from a grandfather who survived The Great Depression,
And a picture’s worth a thousand words
But you can’t see what those shades of gray keep covered
You should’ve seen it in color

Even now,
I am from rolling farmland
From quiet evenings in the barn,
He just takes the tractor another round
And pulls the plow across the ground
And sends up another prayer

Symanntha Renn © April 29, 2020

This week has been haphazard; full of waiting, praying, crying, and relenting. But I am born from strength and stubbornness so I go on. I thought I had a haiku scheduled to go up yesterday but I did not. So today I give you a deeply personal poem. Yes, it is made from a fill in the blank form. But I put my memories and the lyrics of some songs that touch my heart in the poem. Comment below if you can name the songs or if you know what czernina is.