Inside the MRI Machine The shaking like developing a Polaroid picture The warmth of a overused camera The click and buzz of a moment being captured The uncertainty of did you really take a good picture The hoping it's not blurred, and wondering if you need to try again The warmth in your hands, you've been doing this for a while Moving to a different spot for another picture The feeling like you could do this simple thing forever The tiredness that comes with having to hold still Wishing you had the picture right now but knowing that the picture will take a long time to develop just like this problem did. 11-8-2020
So I got 2 scans a couple of weeks ago. It had been around 20 years since I got my last one and it was different. But it was good. It was warm, with a fan blowing over me. There was music and my ears didn’t hurt. My back didn’t hurt too much. Getting an MRI is not as bad as people make it out to be.
October 2020 eating in my car six months through the pandemic I look over a man eats a burrito we are back at square one 10-9-2020
Yep. I posted a haiku at the first of the year, of me doing something that I didn’t think very many other people did. It was just something that I did to have a quiet breakfast before a busy day… now look at us…
They are probably going to do a countrywide lockdown in January. Even though hospitals still got overwhelmed, despite state lockdowns. We lost many small businesses, despite the stimulus checks, but they are going to quarantine us again.
Of course much of the reason that Corona spread is because even under lockdowns people were out and about and refused to wear masks. Even though we needed peace and safety thousands protested in groups, and even though they wore masks they screamed a lot of nonsense and spread the virus to compromised people.
I know that in some places police officers went overboard and arrested people who were practicing social distancing, but I also saw stores where I live that didn’t throw customers out for not wearing masks. And I saw people who were proud to get away with not wearing masks. And I’ve seen the posts where they apologized and begged people to wear their masks because it finally affected their corner of the world.
If we had done quarantine correctly, if the protesters had been shut down, and had not allowed to burn businesses and harass regular citizens, maybe it would not be so bad now. Maybe I would not have loved ones who are dead from a virus we all knew was very contagious and infectious.
I wish that it wasn’t trendy to question the news. Covid-19 is very real, I’ve personally known over 50 people who have been infected with it. I hate that the news casters have brought their emotions into their reporting for over 2 years and now people don’t trust them.
I wish that there wasn’t a bunch of independent websites that people trust as much as the mainstream media, because many of them have spread false information and that is why thousands are dead.
I really hate that we are more than 8 months into a pandemic and people are arguing against science and ignoring common sense. I hate that there are people making up their own facts and shouting you down in hopes that they will look smart and brave on social media.
My only hope at this point is that everyone who made fun of others for wearing a mask gets sick enough to be humbled under a BiPap mask and all of their followers find out. I sincerely hope that anyone who tried to convince others not to take the virus seriously gets so sick that they are silenced by a ventilator because of a Covid19 infection.
This pretty much sums up my feelings that I have had for months. 2020 was not ruined by the Covid19 virus, it was ruined by men who wanted to be in the spotlight and wanted to look big and brave instead of compassionate and smart. 2020 was ruined by people who took the pandemic as an opportunity to act like tyrants and thieves instead of reconnecting with family and community. And I will never forget that.
It’s been a very trying three weeks. If you’ve been following my posts on my Instagram you’ll know that I slipped a disc right before Halloween.
I got the results from my MRI yesterday. I have mild Degenerative Disc Disease. My doctor thinks that with physical therapy I will be able to get my pain under control. I’m waiting on a call from a local hospital to find out what days I’ll be taking PT.
I am feeling much better. I knew that one day my back problems would get worse, but I did not think that it would be this soon. But I have family and older friends that have gone through this and similar things, and they have given me some great advice and a lot of support.
I know it depends on where you live, but this is the time of year that we all laugh about in the Four States/Ozarks. We start the morning in hoodies with the heat on in the truck, but by afternoon you’re stripping off layers wondering why you dared to think Fall was really here.
It feels like every day is Day Zero
New research claims there are more symptoms
Pundits swear everything we were told in all of the yesterdays
Was a lie but we should definitely listen to them today
Has the virus passed through our county
Or is the peak just now here
Do we panic today or should we have panicked yesterday
Close, open, go back to work, shut everything down,
The only thing anyone will admit is certain is
We all want normal to return, and we're working toward it
But Normal will not come again, this has changed everything.
May 18, 2020
And I was correct. People have now admitted that we will never see normal again. I am not upset that people are more aware of other’s physical space and are staying out of it. I am not upset that more restaurants are taking steps to not get germs all over your food. I am not upset at the masks – pollution is so bad in America that I don’t think it hurts anyone to wear a mask while out in public. The Chinese have been doing it for years. But I am ready for parties to return. I am ready for holidays and school parties. I am even ready for sports games and banquet dinners! Church dinners used to be a big part of my life, and while they were sometimes stressful as I am an introvert, I truly miss them.
I read an article on skin hunger and how we need each other. It was in the middle of the quarantines when England and other European nations were doing it with us. Then I wrote a poem because sometimes that is the best way to process something.
even introverts need touch
they will tell you that they can do without
kisses, cuddles, caring pats on the shoulder
but truth be told all people need to be touched
our skin doesn't know our mind is ostracizing
the flesh longs for sensation and caress
even when the mind fears the hand
women in particular need 12 touches
12 diplomatic 12 platonic 12 playful touches
the skin is a thin thing to be doing what it does
it separates our inner and outer worlds
it separates our hearts from cold nights and fistfights
skin is the catcher that is supposed to keep
germs on the outside where they can't trigger a fever
it is the first line of defense against
dirt, viruses, and other foreign objects
skin is also the first to feel the flush
the skin of the arm, leg, or face is where
lover meets lover, where boy tests girl
to see if a total fusion is foreseeable
the skin is where goosebumps remind us that
we are alive, astir, and animated
the chills, the hair standing on end
is where we learn to halt, hesitate, hold up
because our skin feels the change in the wind
like it feels the change in pressure from a hand
and even though some touches hurt
we hunger for the light touch of love
May 14, 2020
If you have been following me on Twitter you know why I wrote this. (It was written on August 19, 2020) I was content to just nicely remind people to vote and maybe vote Libertarian this year. Then I got censored and told that I was wrong.
So now that I have been told to be quiet by some platforms and people from anonymous accounts, I have to share something about Jo Jorgensen or the Libertarian Party every day. I will dial it back to once a week after the election. Until then I will find a way to share the information that I was told not to.
burning fire fireflies floating by healing summer night
Sorry that I didn’t post last week. I took a week off from social media and posting things. It was healing to get away for a while. I am back now, but I encourage you to take a week away if you need it. Or you can encourage me to keep posting by liking my posts here and on Instagram and Facebook.